Riot’s Reviews: Cocaine Bear
It doesn’t get any simpler than that, does it? Take a drug running deal gone wrong, millions of dollars of cocaine, a freaking bear, throw it all together and see what comes out. The only thing more asinine about the concept is knowing it was all based on a true story! Those that know me well are aware that I am a rare super fan of the “bad movie” (personal examples: Prince of Persia, The Chronicles of Riddick, or The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen). But ever since being “traumatized” by watching Harold Perrineau get mauled to death in The Edge, I tend to shy away from animal vs. human films. Finding myself motivationally at odds on this one and understanding full well that I also subjected myself to Snakes on a Plane (which I actually kind of enjoyed), I decided to buckle-in for what conceptually should have been quite the wild ride. Unfortunately, instead of a trove of golden honey, I found myself “bearly” (ha, get it?) staying awake.
Cocaine Bear opens up on the real-life backstory (complete with actual stock news footage covering the incident) of a drug smuggler that ditched numerous bags of cocaine from an airplane over a Georgia mountain range before plummeting to his death. The film doesn’t waste a whole lot of time getting us into the action, as an unfortunate pair of newlyweds (a performance I certainly didn’t expect from Kristofer Hivju) accidentally stumbles across the cocaine-enraged bear, leading to the grisly murder and dismemberment of the wife. But as the scope of people involved in the story continues to grow (everyone from drug dealers, to pre-teens, to park rangers and cops) the bear’s cocaine fueled rampage only worsens, putting everyone in its path in imminent danger.
For all intents and purposes, the whole concept of this film should have been a complete slam dunk with me. But I think one of the things I found most disappointing with Cocaine Bear is that there were a couple really talented actors whose performances felt exceedingly flat/dull (Keri Russell, O’Shea Jackson Jr., and Ray Liotta). It didn’t help that the overall feel of the film came off as undecided and underwhelming for whatever genre it was trying to be. Was it horror? Was it comedy? Was it both? Certainly with the subject matter and the fact that they were working with a fully CGI bear (apparently just a dude in a jumpsuit with a fake bear head), how seriously could they really take themselves? I just didn’t find any moment particularly funny and caught myself wanting to check my phone every time I was waiting for the next bear attack. When it was all paired together with too many characters that had too many guns and couldn’t shoot straight enough to literally save their lives, I signed off pretty quickly. The novelty of the obscenity of this plot wears off faster than each hit of cocaine the bear does (which is an obscene amount by the way). As a final negative, I’m not exceptionally fond of gore overall and this movie had that in spades.
If I have to give this film credit for anything, it delivers exactly what it says it will and I appreciate any effort creatively expanding on what is actually a fairly cut and dry real-life story (spoiler alert the real bear overdosed and died). I dug the nostalgia of the 90’s wardrobe and culture references. Also, there are a couple performances I didn’t particularly hate (Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Alden Ehrenreich) and the end credits scenes were far more humorous than the entirety of the movie. But I think there’s a big difference in actors trying to act like they’re in a “B” movie and actors giving their best performances but who simply can’t escape the “B” movie reality they are trapped in. Cocaine Bear was certainly the former and because the acting was so awkward at times, I’m left to wonder how much of that was actually intentional. As a final note, while I can appreciate Hollywood’s commitment to fighting against animal cruelty, I am already exceptionally tired of CGI animals. I’m certain most people would say they’ll take what they can get, but I’m more inclined to think we should just move completely away from animal stories at this point.
Riots Rating: 3/10: There’s no doubt in my mind some of you will really enjoy this film. It just wasn’t my cup o’ tea.
P.S. Shout-out to the IKEA guy Scott Seiss. Check out his Instagram page and enjoy some laughs.
Comments