Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny: It's definitely closing time.

Riot’s Reviews: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Of the current cinematic trends, Hollywood’s fixation with trying to get Millennials to eat a big bowl of forced nostalgia has consistently been my least favorite. In the leadup to the release dates of these films, I imagine myself precariously balanced on a tightrope of uncertainty wondering if the new title is going to completely demolish the fond memories of characters past, or pleasantly surprise me and subvert my low expectations. What sucks about this scenario is that there is typically much less of an opportunity for payoff and a significantly greater chance of utter disappointment. For now, Top Gun: Maverick has been one of the few to really set a new bar for its cinematic world and most everything else has either been a “well, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be,” or “I’m never going to get that time or money back.” So where did Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny fall? Thankfully the former, though it was not without issue but more on that later.

One of the things that worked in favor of Dial of Destiny for me was that (unlike most people) I didn’t hate Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Outside of the fact that I don’t have an unjustifiable animosity for Shia LeBouf (at this point it feels like the dude is the Nickelback of actors), Crystal Skull had all of the elements that made Indiana Jones a legend in film. The charismatic, puzzle-solving explorer is a formula that simply works well, however asinine the premise is. I think that a lot of people simply lost sight of how absolutely bonkers the original trilogy really was and tried to impose current day sensibilities that somehow made aliens just a “step too far.” Many of the complaints I’ve seen online about Indy’s current iteration are just negative commentaries about those elements; i.e. how the bad guy can suddenly show up at the perfect time/place to exploit the main character’s puzzle-solving skills. It’s a storytelling trope of this genre (just re-watch National Treasure or Tomb Raider) and something that helps maintain the tension and rush of trying to reach the final destination before the other guy does. To be fair though, Dial of Destiny uses this to an egregious amount at one crucial moment that is pretty hard to ignore.

Dial of Destiny succeeded in bringing up the feelings of nostalgia I was hoping for from the film. The music/soundtrack instantly takes you back in time and it accents each scene well (but its John Williams so duh, of course it’s amazing). The costume design was particularly on point, especially everything involved with the 1960’s New York scene. I enjoyed the action and was fairly impressed with everything that Harrison Ford was able to do at his age. Of course a majority of it was a stunt double, but it was reminiscent of watching Sean Connery throw James Bond-style blows in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (granted, Ford was almost a decade older than Connery was in their respective films). Overall, the acting was generally pretty great and the humor was as quirky as the old titles. I wanted to see an Indiana Jones movie and for the most part, that is what I got.

Now I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the flaws of the film and to be perfectly honest, there are many. First is simply the writing, the plot holes are blaring and there are even a number of outright contradictions that are voiced in actual dialogue that are so crazy it’s unbelievable it made it past the final cut. Second, I wish they had chosen a new antagonist outside of the Nazis. It’s beyond boring and obscene that the writers thought they could get away with the “subtle” nod to making the only American Nazi a southerner (queue collective eye roll). Third, it was hard to watch what they did with Indy as a character. I don’t understand Disney’s (and Lucasfilm’s) obsession with making their first generation characters pathetic and depressed. This Indy is a shell of himself and the writer’s reasons for why he’s in the place he is in was lazy. Also, featuring an 80-year old man shirtless in his boxers is an image nobody needs in their life.

Fourth, although the performances from Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Mads Mikkelsen were admittedly strong, their character development was beyond confusing and thin. Waller-Bridge was especially puzzling (and all-in-all incredibly unlikeable), vacillating constantly between motivations that were either direct contradictions or simply nonsensical. Considering the pair’s significant roles, it didn’t help to have such loosely established characters. Fifth, the movie is simply too long. While I enjoyed the chase sequences, they went on for a few beats more than they should have. This movie would have done wonders with thirty minutes less of action and even five minutes more of character development. And finally, one of the film’s stronger points in many ways was its Achilles Heel: the CGI. I can appreciate how amazing it is to be able to de-age actors with new graphics technology. You know what doesn’t de-age though? Their voice! The over-reliance on CGI sequences is quickly becoming a boon to modern cinema and Dial of Destiny was no exception to this. I think Hollywood would do itself an immense favor if it tried to get back to the basics and get creative again.

More and more it seems like that creative spark has really left Tinsletown for good. We are consistently being subjected to reused and degraded IPs from the past and introduced to new characters that often feel no better than placeholders for the original idea. Original content is thrown through the ringer of common day sensibilities and ideologies that simply do not fit with its predecessor. This too often results in actors that feel shoe-horned in to promote some sort of message that nobody wants to hear or see when they are trying to enjoy titles from the past. It’s almost like going to your favorite steakhouse from twenty years ago only to find out they replaced your dinner with beyond meat. Maybe it tastes similar, but it neither satisfies you in the moment or the memory of the meal you once had. Dial of Destiny worked well enough for me because it had the feel of the Indiana Jones series. But it would prove false to say it satiated me entirely.

Riot’s Rating: 7.2/10