Riot’s Rankings: The Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit
Initially, the thought of ranking The Lord of The Rings films seemed like a useless venture. The original trilogy is a masterpiece in film making and storytelling. Also, considering The Hobbit films weren’t nearly as well accepted as the original trilogy, it would appear pointless to make an argument that would risk intermixing the rankings. But, contrary to popular opinion, I really enjoyed the Hobbit movies when they first came out and upon re-watching, a few of my previously held opinions were only solidified. First, the LOTR films are to date the only titles I’ve ever seen that were drastically improved upon with their extended editions. Second, practical effects/costumes and camera tricks will always be more impressive to me than CGI. And finally, sometimes going with less familiar actors will draw out beyond exceptional performances. Like my last rankings post (Batman), I’ll start from the worst and work my way to the best, capping the post with my thoughts on the first season of The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power.
6) The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies: I legitimately struggled with putting this one at the bottom of the pile, specifically because of Richard Armitage’s performance as Thorin Oakenshield. Granted, he spends a large portion of the film being affected by “dragon sickness” and the audience is given few reasons to be supportive of the character until he finally snaps out of it and does the right thing. Armitage’s gruff, bass-heavy voice was perfect for his tortured, yet self-inflicted mental state and coupled with his ability to cover a wide range of emotions, Thorin ended up being the inspirational force that the audience was expecting when he was first introduced. The film’s biggest strength is certainly in its performances and the way the story/plot wraps up is satisfying, regardless of how tragically it ended. I was particularly happy to see Galadriel (Cate Blanchett), Elrond (Hugo Weaving), and Saruman (Christopher Lee) getting active in the fight, however short-lived that scene was. Their being mostly figureheads and exposition factories in the original trilogy left a lot of people with the desire to see what these three could actually do and it was a pleasure to watch. So, how does The Battle of the Five Armies find its way to the bottom of the list? Mainly, too much CGI, man. Considering the near decade between the end of LOTR and the beginning of The Hobbit, it was only natural that the studios involved would lean into the CGI aspect of film making. But did they have to use it for damn near every battle scene? In the mission to rescue Gandalf for example, the decision to CGI the Nazgul may have given the shrouded characters a little more personality, but it definitely took away from the menacing feeling they invoked in the LOTR series. I won’t say that it was a complete negative, using the motion capture for Azog (Manu Bennett) and Bolg I think was an effective way of creating compelling villains. And let’s be real, everyone wanted more fighting Elves. But there is no doubt that this film was saturated in CGI and felt overly reliant on it to try and shade over the poor pacing issues the film had. The Hobbit films in general relied heavily on suspension of belief, but Five Armies took it too far too often and sometimes there is such a thing as too much action/fight scenes.
5) The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Like its LOTR predecessor, An Unexpected Journey led out with fascinating exposition that instantly hooks the viewer. Using recreations of scenes from The Fellowship was also a brilliant move to get fans settled into a new story. I recall enjoying Ian Holm as Bilbo in the original trilogy so much that I was ecstatic to see him return to the role, however briefly. The main question that was on everyone’s minds though, was how well would Martin Freeman perform? Luckily for all of us, not only did he amazingly look the part, he was a fantastic reluctant protagonist. Inarguably, the meeting of Bilbo and Gollum (Andy Serkis, you’re a genius) and the game of riddles they share was a pinnacle moment in cinema for me. An Unexpected Journey, to its credit and due to its dialogue heavy nature, wasn’t as reliant on the CGI as the other two films in the series. But the brief moments it went off the rails for the sake of special effects helped ensure the first installation wasn’t going to be treated seriously enough. I sincerely liked all the Dwarves and the actors behind those giant prosthetic noses/hands. But to call the dinner at Bilbo’s and the subsequent “dishes” scene silly and unnecessary would be an understatement. Also, while there’s no denying Gimli’s greatness, I think a lot of people wanted to see more Dwarves in battle. We got that in spades with this trilogy, but the obscene journey through the Goblin tunnels was more than hard to swallow. The people in charge of The Hobbit trilogy should have realized early on that overt reliance on CGI would be a mistake when Sir Ian McKellen broke down on set. Had they driven the man behind Gandalf away, I have no doubt the rest of the trilogy would have either been cancelled, or would have spectacularly failed at the box office. Lucky for us, he persevered. An Unexpected Journey, with all its faults, properly set the stage for a sequel that I argue is the only one to crack into the top three.
4) LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring: The Fellowship of the Ring coming in at number four really only comes down to one thing: the overabundance of exposition. It actually pains me to use this as an excuse for dropping the film in the rankings, because the literal foundation of the entire trilogy is set in the events of its first installation. Compelling exposition is paramount to writing a good story and that is actually one of the reasons films today are coming in so lackluster in content and quality, because they ignore this very fact. One of the film’s biggest strengths essentially cripples the rest, as the opening comes out the gate hot and heavy in a Galadriel voiceover that succinctly lays out the history and the origin of the one ring. It no doubt opens a lot of questions (ones that are attempting to be answered by the snooze fest that is Rings of Power, but more on that later) but it essentially gives you everything you need to know at a blistering pace. It is because of the incredible quality of the opening scene that the rest of the film becomes fairly tedious. There’s a lot of walking. There’s a lot of talking. And (setting precedent for the rest of the trilogy) there is a lot of slow motion. This filming effect accomplished two things: it emphasized the gravity of the situations its used in and it affirms the overall feel of a grand epic. Still, it comes in such quantity that it could have been scaled back, especially considering there is brilliant content that was sacrificed on the cutting floor (again, highlighting what a blessing the extended editions were). The film sets up a clear dynamic of having the Hobbits be the catalyst for so much of the problems that the “grown-ups” are left to deal with throughout the film and it speaks to one Tolkien’s main themes of the story (something overtly explained by Gandalf). The Hobbits (Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Billy Boyd, and Dominic Monaghan) are given some of their best opportunities to show their acting chops and each of the actors deliver. As a final note, having Boromir’s (Sean Bean) backstory not make the original cut was definitively a mistake and while Bean inevitably met his “typical” movie fate, his performance was unquestionably a massive bright spot of the entire trilogy.
3) The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug: The sophomore film of the Hobbit series brought together all of the best elements that made the trilogy entertaining. One of my biggest complaints of the film actually happens at the start. While attempting to continue the LOTR tradition of having an interesting opening scene, we get a quick flashback of the origin of the journey, where Gandalf meets Thorin in the town of Bree to set him on the path toward reclaiming Erabor. The scene adds almost nothing to the series, only confirming what we technically already know, that Gandalf is the instigator in the whole mess. Considering how eventful the rest of the film is, this seemed to be a misstep. From the moment it breaks away though, the film takes the audience on a wild ride, filled with new, compelling characters and breathtaking, innovative scenery. The Desolation of Smaug, I would argue, struck the balance I was looking for in suspending belief, especially in regards to the action scenes. Now, I’ll readily admit that much about the famous river barrel sequence was tough to swallow. Extra barrels seemed to appear out of nowhere, weapons were haphazardly tossed about in ways that didn’t often make sense, and the mere buoyancy factor of said barrels was questionable at best. But, that wasn’t necessarily what we were all focused on, was it? The Desolation of Smaug highlighted one thing: the bad-assery of the Elves (in particular Legolas (Orlando Bloom) and Tauriel (Evangeline Lily)). I must also concede that these were not active characters in The Hobbit novel, but as I’ve stated before, I am not really a novel purist when it comes to film adaptation. And to further the point, had Legolas and Tauriel not been active characters in the trilogy, I might not have enjoyed it nearly as much. Is it fair to say the love triangle story between the two elves and the only “normal” looking Dwarf, Kili (Aiden Turner, who was fantastic btw) felt forced? Sure. But it injected character development and motivation into the film that was interesting enough to be worth the time. Wrapping the point back around, nearly every scene involving the Elves in this film was absolutely insane and I enjoyed any and all developments of their fighting prowess. As stated before, the expansion of compelling characters is the shining spot of this film. Mikael Persbrandt as Beorn was a small but great injection of new talent into the mix and was given a wild costume design that matched the character’s demeanor perfectly. Ryan Gage as Alfrid Lickspittle was a far more entertaining take on the scum bag second in command character than Grima Wormtongue was. And Luke Evans served as a proper hero for the “human faction” of the story in absence of a character like Aragorn. At the end of the day though, the true brilliance of the film comes through in the revelation of Smaug and in the performance of Benedict Cumberbatch as the gold-hoarding, Dwarf-murdering dragon (there is debate on whether he’s a wyvern, I’ll refer you to this). As brilliant as the performance is, I have to admit it’s slightly tarnished during the Dwarf/Dragon fight scene that closes out the film. Suspending belief goes a little too far, particularly when Thorin “buries” Smaug under a wave of molten gold. Considering the sheer size Smaug and the jokingly shallow pit he sinks into, it makes less than no sense to believe it would have been enough to stop him.
2) LOTR: The Return of the King: Oh man, what a film. I get chills even thinking about Theoden’s (Bernard Hill) speech before the charge of the Rohirrim scene. I found myself going back and forth between the final two films on which was superior. I will say this much, if I was basing the rankings on the extended editions, not only would The Fellowship have likely stayed in the top three, but The Return of the King would have certainly made the number one slot. Even without the extended material, The Return opens up with a backstory that rivals the intro to The Fellowship. Getting Smeagol’s (Gollum’s) backstory was absolutely haunting and watching his terrifying transformation is something I’ll never forget. As we progress on from that scene though, cutting the confrontation with the defeated Saruman is actually the biggest mistake of the entire film. Christopher Lee’s dialogue with Ian McKellen (only found in the extended edition) was a masterpiece of a scene and a nod to two legends of film that I think should have never been cut. Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn wasn’t given nearly enough screen time in this film, especially considering its title. But what we were given was exceptional to say the least. What we all come to find out though, is that the real hero of the story is much smaller in stature: Samwise Gamgee. Sean Astin was incredible in this movie and was given every opportunity to show his ability to masterfully portray an array of emotions in his scenes. When you add in Sam’s battle against Shelob (a giant freakin’ spider) and his complete owning of the situation, there’s little doubt that there was no victory without Frodo’s dedicated companion. If you were able to completely ignore the amazing performances (which you can’t), the battle for Gondor was arguably the most stunning battle in all of cinema. While I wasn’t entirely happy with the deus ex machina that came in the form of the Dead Mean of Dunharrow, everything else up to that point defied all expectations. It was jaw-dropping to say the very least and was truly the pinnacle of the story. Quick side note, another casualty of the original release was the backstory/dynamic between Denethor (John Noble ) and Faramir (David Wenham). I don’t necessarily think it was as important as other moments found on the extended edition, but I think Faramir’s role and personal victory in spite of his father was something that was worth exploring further. To be sure, audiences were given enough to get the point, I just wish it didn’t have to go in the initial cut. As a final point, Aragorn’s true acceptance of his role as King culminated in a battle speech that rivaled Theoden’s and when victory was won, his maintained humility (exemplified when he led a bow to the four Hobbits) was so true and noble it still makes me tear up. The closing of the film drastically slows down the pace and arguably is longer than it needs to be. But it was heart-warming nonetheless to see each Hobbit reclaim a peaceful life after all the strife they experienced.
1) LOTR: The Two Towers: Ah! We have arrived. So here is my main argument for why The Two Towers takes the first place spot: it didn’t need the extended scenes to be better. For me, this film is summarized by one word, satisfying. The final events of the story involving Faramir’s capture of Frodo, Sam, and Gollum were able to set the stage for the epic that was The Return of the King, but for the most part, each conflict that started at the beginning of the film reached a satisfying conclusion by its end. The Two Towers started with a feeling much like The Empire Strikes Back did, one where the heroes certainly were on their heels and it was hard to believe that the forces of good could squeak out a victory. Odds were beyond stacked against the heroes in this one, but the members of the Fellowship, along with some new faces gave us hope that the tide could be turned. With the reveal of Rohan, we were given introductions to three new characters that would each become catalysts in the fight against Sauron: Eomer (Karl Urban, this dude’s in everything) who would save the day at the Battle of Helm’s Deep, Theoden (who I mentioned earlier) that would serve as the inspirational fortitude for Rohan, and Eowyn (Miranda Otto) who would go on to defeat The Witch King of Angmar. I was particularly fond of watching Theoden’s release from Saruman’s spell. Not only was it amusing to watch Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli clean house with the Rohan soldiers, the special effect used to de-age Theoden was visually seamless. After the king decides to lead his people to Helm’s Deep, we actually come to the worst part of the entire film: Legolas’ gravity-defying horse mount (don’t be fooled by the title of this video, the scene was super lame). It was certainly a blemish on the rest of this particularly brutal battle. The introduction of the Wargs was both unexpected and savage in all the best ways. As the film continues on, I think we get exposed to one of Peter Jackson’s greatest gifts as a director in these films: highlighting the calm before the storm. With the events at Helm’s Deep, there was nothing more palpable than watching the Uruk-Hai make their way to the battle while the storm/rain settled into the scene. Similarly, the conversations between Merry, Pippin, and Treebeard had us all aching to see an army of trees get into the action. This is what I mean by satisfying. I was beyond amped when I first watched The March of the Ents and I find myself no less excited years later watching that battle. When the battle at Helm’s Deep reaches its conclusion, the audience has been taken through a run of different emotions: excitement at the exceptional battles (I highlight Legolas’ shield scene), tragedy at the death of Haldir (Craig Parker), comedy with Aragorn and Gimli, despair as the group is driven back to the last bastion of the keep, and finally hope with Theoden’s final surge and the charge of the Rohirrim. To be perfectly honest, I would have been fine had the movie ended with the conclusions of the battles, but as I stated earlier, the setup for the final installation had to be done. I think watching Faramir resist the temptation of the ring was still a great way to finish an amazing film, but some of the impact was lost because of how much of his backstory was removed for the final cut. Nonetheless, we get the point. Sam, Frodo, and Gollum are released to continue their journey and unlike the more lackluster conclusion of The Fellowship, the ending of The Two Towers keeps the audience primed and ready for another satisfying conclusion.
Whoo!! I really nerded out on this one. If you stuck it out this long, you have my thanks and appreciation. Now, let’s talk the 2022, Amazon tragedy that is The Rings of Power.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: I’m going to start off with a bang here: The Rings of Power does not suck because of diversity/inclusion. But, the fact that the social and mainstream media are harping on all of the “isms” as a response to the negative ratings for this show is beyond stupid. I will admit that the project received negative feedback before it was released due to some of these issues, but now that the product is out and the show in fact sucks, it makes those arguments null and void. I’ll make the point one more time, I am not a book purist, so the issues people have, with race-swapping in particular, I think are silly. So what makes TROP such a bomb? 1) The creators came out on record and said they would intentionally not follow source material (I’m not a purist, but to be so arrogant as to actively ignore the source is possibly the worst mistake you can make, especially with such a beloved franchise). 2) Galadriel (Morfydd Clark) as the main protagonist has been a complete miss. She’s incredibly unlikeable, arrogant (much like the showrunners), impossibly overpowered, and simply unrelatable in most ways. She mainly comes off as a narcissist and nobody is going to root for that. 3) The action scenes are so few and far between (it was almost literally eight hours of bad dialogue) and they looked terrible in comparison to their predecessors. I point particularly to a hand to hand combat scene between a new Elf character, Arondir (Ismael Cruz Cordova) and an orc that was so poorly choreographed it looked like it was filmed slow and only slightly sped up in post. 4) The majority of the cast is simply unlikeable. I specifically point here to the Harfoots, the ancestors of the Hobbits. Their society appears based solely on a survival of the fittest mentality, yet they constantly parade catch phrases that claim they are all looking out for each other. There is hardly a single scene to be had where they exemplify this. 5) The events of the finale don’t make any sense, particularly what happens in the creation of Mordor. I’ll try not to expand further on this point. 6) The writing is so, so, so, SO bad, ‘nough said.
For sake of space and time, I’ll stop here, but I could probably go on. I never enjoy focusing on only the negatives of a project, so I’ll end with some praises of TROP. 1) The scenery/special effects are stunning and beautiful. You can tell where the majority of the one billion dollar budget went. 2) The performances of Elrond (Robert Aramayo), Princess Disa (Sofia Nomvete), and Prince Durin (Owain Arthur, killer name) are pretty fantastic. Nomvete in particular brought a life to the Dwarven women that I didn’t expect, defying any and all arguments against her physical characteristics not matching up with Tolkien’s original texts. The interactions between these three quite literally is the only thing keeping me involved in this show. 3) Even though the “big reveal” at the end of the show was seen from a mile away, Halbrand (Charlie Vickers) is an interesting character I want to see more of.
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