Riot’s Rankings: The Live-Action Batman Films
The Dark Knight! The Caped Crusader!! The World’s Greatest Detective!!! However you want to refer to him, The Batman has captured the hearts and minds of adults and children alike for multiple decades and likely many more years to come. Though I have been and will firmly remain on team Marvel (even though Disney has really begun trying my patience), Batman was the first live-action superhero I can recall seeing in the theaters. With the desire of providing some “controversial” content that won’t risk being offensive, I thought it would be fun to rank some of the most beloved film franchises and see where my opinion stacks up in the hearts and minds of you readers. For my purposes today, I will be discussing only the contemporary live-action films that focus on Batman as the protagonist, so sadly (#notsadly) I will be ignoring Batman V Superman and The Justice League. Rankings will be worst to best. I hope you enjoy!
8) Batman and Robin: Whooooooo boy, where to begin on this cinematic atrocity? The Batman films of the 80’s and 90’s really seemed to be a succession of one-upping the other on how outlandish they could be, culminating in this nightmare: everything from costumes (though not the first film to do it, the infamous bat nipples!), to villain design, to the Batmobile (the most non-sensical design yet), and especially the cheesy as heck dialogue. Joel Schumacher really phoned it in on this one and tipped the entire world on its head with Batman and Robin, causing such irreparable damage it required a complete reboot. There is legitimately no lack of terrible aspects to choose from, yet I would assume the gratuitous ass and codpiece shots during the suit up scenes rank very high on a majority of people’s complaints. Nobody in their right mind would/could think of George Clooney as a fitting Bruce Wayne or Batman and most, if not all, of the performances stank of Hollywood names trying to cash in a check. (This point pains me quite a bit because I really like Uma Thurman). Yet, as terrible as Uma may have been, nothing can top “The Governator” as Mr. Freeze. The costume? Bad. The weapon effects? Bad. The dialogue? So bad, you want to tear some of your hair out. I always laughed at the irony of featuring a green-veined, roided out Bane in the same film as the most legendary body-builder in history who, even furthering the irony, was covered up for the entirety of the film! The antics of this generation of Batman films was taken to the edge of insanity and thrown off the cliff with Batman and Robin, not only ruining one of the more interesting of villains in the Batman franchise, but quite literally ruined the Barbara Gordon origin story.
7) Batman Returns: After re-watching many of these films in preparation for this post, this title ended up shocking me more than any other for how bad it was. Thinking back, I believe this may have been the first Batman film I ever saw and before the re-watch, I remembered it quite fondly. As it turns out, Batman Returns simply did not stand the test of time for me. Outside of the continued allowance of Batman as executioner (seriously, he killed a lot of people), the pace of the film is its biggest weakness and while I have zero arguments against the performance/look of the character, Danny Devito as the Penguin has to be the least threatening villains of this entire franchise. His “gang,” a stereotypical ragtag bunch of circus performers, did little to boost the threat, making the entire film drag terribly and giving the audience no real reason to think that Batman was ever in any danger. Forcing the audience to endure the asinine plot point of trying to market The Penguin as a legitimate mayoral candidate was a worthless endeavor with absolutely no payoff. Christopher Walken, as renowned as he is, was often too silly for his own good and the commentary of the evil capitalist businessman was tired even in the 90’s. Unlike Uma, the top-billed lady Michelle Pfeiffer absolutely brought it as Catwoman, donning the iconic suit and making sure all eyes were on her in each of her scenes. But, even the unmistakable, legendary musical stylings of Danny Elfman couldn’t keep my attention long in what ended up being the absolute snoozer of Batman Returns.
6) Batman Begins: I’m certain to catch a lot of flak for ranking this title so low. In hindsight, there is absolutely no doubt that Christopher Nolan absolutely rewrote everything we thought about Batman as a live-action character. He brought the “dark” back into The Dark Knight and set the stage for a beautiful trilogy with Batman Begins. That being said, Nolan’s first pass at The Batman felt exactly like that, a first pass. No doubt, the positives are hard to argue against. We as an audience were treated to everything we wanted in an origin story and in the process, were given arguably the best physical Batman to date in Christian Bale. I know it’s a tired argument, but that voice was so awful, it was better received in comedic parody. Still, Bale really played for keeps in his training and physicality. Batman Begins took away the asinine stunts of its predecessors and presented a more reality-based portrayal of The Batman’s world. So what did the movie do to deserve such a low ranking? It did arguably some of the most damage to the “World’s Greatest Detective” aspect of Bruce Wayne’s character. Now, it could be argued that since this is an origin story, he didn’t have enough experience yet. Fair enough. Then why continue that trope throughout the rest of the trilogy? This Batman was always two steps behind the villains as well as in his personal life. (Katie Holmes as the love interest was boring at best). And in regards to the villains, even having predictably strong performances from Cillian Murphy and Liam Neeson wasn’t enough to plug the holes (plot holes lol) in logic for having Scarecrow becoming a pawn in Ra’s Al Ghul’s scheme. Inevitably having Scarecrow’s defeat come at the hands of a projectile taser was lame and the climax of the story ended up feeling long winded and boring.
5) Batman Forever: Should I have swapped these two? Is the big, floppy, rubbery fin on the Batmobile simply too silly to ignore? Maybe. Okay, so there’s a bit of a bias on this one because while I remember Batman Returns as the first Batman film I ever saw, Batman Forever was certainly my favorite for many years. While extremely uncharacteristic for Tommy Lee Jones, the over-the-top villain hijinks that he brought to Two-Face alongside Jim Carrey’s Riddler felt far more fitting to the characters. (It does sadden me knowing that Jones quite literally hated Carrey’s guts the entire time, but I think that only lends to how great of an actor he is). In my opinion, Val Kilmer still gives the best dual performance of Bruce/Batman than any other on this list. He had all the looks and attitude of the billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne while still honoring the profile and physicality of The Batman. It’s also been long reported that Kilmer did his own stunts, making his portrayal all the more impressive to me. However damsel-ly she ended up being, Nicole Kidman as the therapist love interest allowed a much more in-depth look into Bruce’s trauma and the motivations behind the Batman moniker. This character development was the right kind of setup to help bring in Chris O’Donnell in his first go as Robin. It at least gave proper respect to his origin story. (I will admit the ninja laundry scene is pretty unforgiveable). The special effects and stunts were the perfect combination of asinine and advanced for its time, which somehow makes the whole thing endearing to me all these years later. And while I admit the eventual revamp of the character is superior in a lot of ways, I can’t help but continue to love Carrey’s portrayal of the Riddler. Unfortunately, the events leading to each villain’s defeat are the worst plot points of the film. At the end of the day and notwithstanding the Batsuit nipples, they crushedthe costume designs in this one.
4) The Dark Knight Rises: At the outset, I have to address the “Bane voice controversy” before making the argument that this film belongs in this spot. Admittedly, the production companies involved in this one didn’t do their due diligence in making sure that Tom Hardy’s speech was understandable before release. It was hard to reconcile the Bane I knew from the Knightfall comic series and the choice to avoid the Latin origin story/accent was something I still don’t enjoy. What is in fact hard to ignore though is how incredible Hardy’s performance was and I seriously struggle to think of any actor that could give a more menacing performance with that extremely unique mask. Nolan certainly had an incredible gift for taking unrealistic characters and bringing them down to Earth. Removing the “venom” aspect from Bane made Hardy’s portrayal believable and adding the element of political idealism ensured he was relatable as well. To be sure, prominent plot holes (especially regarding the Gotham PD) ended up dropping this title lower on the list. But the strength of the film really lies in the performances. Anne Hathaway gave us a fresh look on Catwoman, Gary Oldmanlegitimately stole the show from everyone except Hardy, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt set the stage for a sidekick that sadly may never come to pass (I’d still love to see him do a Knightwing movie). The secondary villain twist, though predictable, was worth it in the end, even if the nuclear threat did end up being a little silly. The emotional closure for Bruce Wayne (exceptionally laid out by Michael Caine in a perfectly written callback to earlier exposition) was more than satisfying and capped a redemption story that had all the right storytelling elements.
3) Batman: So I’ll have to state outright that (except Clooney of course) I really think that Michael Keaton is without a doubt, the worst Bruce Wayne of the bunch. The perm and overtly awkward demeanor did nothing for the character. Where Keaton excelled though, was the look and profile of Batman. While I think he could have done a little more to separate his vocals for the caped crusader, there is no doubt that he holds up in this role. And of course, running opposition in all sorts of exuberant villainy, was the extraordinary personality of Jack Nicholson as The Joker. So why does this movie still work so well, so many years later? I can’t really argue that nostalgia may be the biggest factor. But as ridiculous as many scenes were, it still felt like Burton kept things simple and linear in his storytelling. While he wastes very little time with Bruce’s origin story, the audience gets all the motivations they need from Nicholson’s Joker. Sure, the angle of the upstart mobster doesn’t really pack all the punch that other iterations of Joker have carried throughout the years, but Nicholson made the character completely his own. The audience aches for the showdown, meanwhile thoroughly enjoying all the antics that happen along the way. Now, on a completely separate side note, is anyone else incredibly disappointed that we were never treated to a Billy Dee Williams version of Two Face?! His presence in this film should certainly remind everyone that “race swapping” isn’t a new thing and really shouldn’t affect opinions of individual performances or full films altogether. As a final point, watching Batman again so many years later, we should all be thankful we got to see the inception of the amazing run that was Michael Gough as Alfred. If anything has been consistent through all of the Batman franchises, it’s that they always nail the Alfred casting. Gough simply set the standard and kept it high.
2) The Batman: I already did an extensive breakdown of The Batman that you can read here, so I won’t spend a lot of time breaking this one down. The most recent iteration of Batman took us even further into the darkness of the franchise and it paid off. Sure, the run time was a little long and there were a few consistency mistakes with using a young, kind of overly emotional Bruce Wayne as the protagonist. But the negatives were easily overlooked and explained away as nitpicky when they stood against the inspired performances of literally the entire cast. (I have a love/hate view onPaul Dano’s Riddler but I can’t deny how incredible his work was). The Batman was gritty, violent, and sinister in all the right ways and while I wasn’t surprised that Robert Pattinson was able to deliver, I was blown away by just how good he really was. If Matt Reeves stays at the helm of future productions, I can only hope they broaden their horizons on the overly ample amounts of interesting villains in the Batman catalog. (For the love of all that is holy, please do the Mad Hatter!!!).
1) The Dark Knight: If this film doesn’t claim the top spot in everyone’s lists, y’all crazy. The Dark Knight could easily claim a spot in my Top 25 movies of all time. Certainly, there is little argument that Heath Ledger’s Joker was one of the most haunting performances in existence and one deserving of any/all accolades given. I’m ashamed to admit that when I first heard about his casting, I scoffed at the idea. After what he brought to the table, I’m happy to say I was extremely wrong. He was menacing in all the right ways: his voice inflections during exceptionally written dialogue, his haphazardly but still intentionally applied makeup, his gruesome scars and their mysterious origin stories, and his subtle mouth/tongue twitches that helped maximize his insanity-ridden demeanor were all small aspects that lent to the complete package. It was quite literally a performance for the ages. The Dark Knight kept its foot on the gas pedal and never let up, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats throughout. We watched enraptured, as The Batman struggled at every turn to reign in the chaos caused by a man who had no other intentions but to “watch the world burn” around him. We were treated to the intriguingly designed, yet explosively practical Batcycle and another slew of fight/battle scenes that were viscously rooted in realism. The Dark Knight wrestled with the dichotomy of good and evil inside of man, appropriately exemplified in the journey of Aaron Eckhart’s Two Face, who was no less menacing than his villain counterpart. One could argue the origin story/motivations behind Harvey Dent’s journey were stretched a little thin, but it didn’t make Eckhart’s performance any less exceptional. My biggest complaint inevitably was tied to Dent and what Nolan was intending to do with the character. Batman’s choice at the end of the film (to take the blame for Dent’s actions and become a pariah) are nullified by the fact that we never learn what really happens to Harvey and that Bruce’s sacrifice is seemingly completely forgotten early on in the events of The Dark Knight Rises. So while there was a lot of speculation as to why this happened (even Eckhart was confused here) I think Ledger’s death was the wrench in the cogs that tore down the machine. Since I was one of the few of my friends that thoroughly enjoyed The Dark Knight Rises and what they did with the story, I’m okay with what eventually went down. But I think we could all agree that we desperately wanted round two of Ledger’s Joker and it’s a damn shame we’ll never get to see it.
Whew! That ended up being way more difficult than I was expecting, but there it is. Mixing the two generations of Batman films into one list is more difficult than I thought and maybe it wasn’t totally appropriate, but I enjoyed doing it. Please comment and let me know how you would rank them and I’d love to hear thoughts expounding on why. Also, feel free to let me know which franchise I should rank next! Spider-Man? Lord of the Rings? Star Wars?! I’m open to whatever!
P.S. Who do you think was the worst Alfred? Bet that’s a hard one.
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