Riot’s Rapid Reviews
Venom: The Last Dance: I thought about making this into a full length review, being that it’s the combo of nerd culture and movie reviews that I prefer to write. But the truth of the matter is, while I was working through my notes I realized I didn’t have a whole lot to say, at least not enough to cover a full write up. I’ve been at this little venture so long that I’m not entirely sure if I reviewed Venom: Let There be Carnage, but I’ll offer a quick summation of that movie: beyond awful. Audiences get a lot of the same with Venom: The Last Dance as far as I’m concerned. The dynamic of a jittery/stressed/confused Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) trying and failing to reign in his petulant child in Venom ran its course by the end of the first film. I will grant, there are still very humorous moments sprinkled throughout the film, but that dynamic certainly isn’t something that should be stretched across three feature length films. Last Dance is repetitive to a fault, cycling a nonsensical pattern of Venom saying they can’t transform, the pair doing exactly that, and then a chaotic mess of chase scenes to get away from the monster that is hunting them. The explanation how the xenophage tracks Eddie/Venom is thin at best and there is little to no consistency with the monster’s powers or the powers that Venom and the other symbiotes exhibit in the final confrontation. At nearly every point in the plot progression there is a decision by at least one character that makes no logical sense. The cast is expanded/bloated far beyond the point of being able to develop them in any meaningful way and actors like Chiwetel Ejiofor, Rhys Ifans and Stephen Graham are spectacularly wasted (although Eliofor and Graham have some pretty decent Independence Day styled scenes together). The story itself isn’t the worst thing in the world and I would actually argue that it was better than Carnage. But the extremely thin acting of the multiple, new, and forcefully injected characters did too much damage, even if the sendoff for Eddie/Venom was pretty decent. One major improvement comes in the smoothed out graphics, which becomes really impressive in the final battle and during a fun sequence where Venom jumps from various animals. But a big improvement in graphics quickly rings hollow when you use them to feature an actual “last dance” with Venom and Mrs. Chen (Peggy Lu) that really had no business being in this film. Combine the lackluster/disappointing “bad guy” with a string of illogical, poorly defined elements and you leave an audience grateful that this is the last dance after all.
Riot’s Rating: 6.3/10: If you’ve already watched the first two, nothing will likely stop you from seeing the conclusion to the trilogy. I’d just recommend waiting for the stream.
The Wild Robot: Dreamworks has once again reinforced my argument that alternative studios are chipping away at Disney’s domination over the animated feature world. Granted, Inside Out 2 was a slap back from Disney that I didn’t expect, but when I look at some of the brilliance coming out of Illumination (y’all should definitely watch the new short video Sing: Thriller), Sony Animation with the Spider-verse, and Dreamworks with The Wild Robot, it’s going to be a much bigger task to stay atop the mountain. The Wild Robot features all of the elements of a brilliant animated film. The story is compelling and heartfelt, the voice acting is exceptional, and the artwork/animation is breathtaking. It was difficult to take notes during this one, because I was too busy being awestruck by the stunningly beautiful colors and settings of the film. Adorable, cute animated animals completely set aside (the movie literally opens with a family of otters discovering the robot) the scenery of the film is unmatched, far superior to anything I’ve seen in animation so far (and that includes my beloved Spider-Verse). The sheer range of color palettes is just on the edge of overwhelming and it’s only the close up, interactive scenes between Roz the robot (Lupita Nyong’o) and the impressive ensemble cast of animals that visually grounds the film. My incredibly nitpicky issues only amounted to three things: 1) Disney already did a sly, sarcastic fox. It’s not that Pedro Pascal did a bad job as Fink, it’s just that Jason Bateman did it better in Zootopia. When the setting is a forest filled with animals that maybe wouldn’t be found all in the same place in actual nature, the animators could’ve easily picked another animal. 2) The first 15-20 minutes of the film are a blur of events that hit the audience at a breakneck pace before the movie hits its rhythm. Once the creators found their beat though, the story unfolds beautifully. 3) Even though I still can’t help but laugh at these moments (much like the little star child in The Super Mario Bros Movie) but the trope of using cute, little, nihilistic creatures speaking about existential crises has kind of run its course. Other than that, the only other negative I think some people might not enjoy is the film’s openness to sometimes approach nature the way it actually is in the world, complete with very sudden (but not graphic thankfully) animal demises. Not that I enjoy watching cute animals get taken out, but I thought it was refreshing that the creators didn’t shy away from it.
Riot’s Ranking: 9.6/10: The Wild Robot is the kind of animated kids’ movie that really is fun for the whole family. It’s a wonderful story that’s foundationally set on an excellent message and delivers tons of thrills and laughs along the way.
Trap: M. Night Shyamalan is back and shockingly soon, throwing together an interesting premise with a long “lost” talent in Josh Hartnett. When I was growing up, he was one of the teenage heartthrobs. So when teasers for Trap released, showing Hartnett playing a serial killer stuck between a rock and a hard place with the police closing in on him, I was curious, if only for the fact that this “teenage playboy” from the past was coming out of the shadows in such a twisted role. Still, there was (as I see it) immediate danger in hooking his wagon to Shyamalan. I’m not shy about my conflicting feelings of his work (see my review for Knock at the Cabin), and I’m sure some of you are wondering why I would even give this one a shot. Turns out, at the end of an hour and forty-five minutes, I was left asking myself the same question. Trap is a fundamentally interesting idea with poor execution. At its core, it’s meant to be a suspense film, working to keep the audience at the edge of their seats while they watch the film’s antagonist try to manipulate his way out of a bad situation. There’s just one glaring problem, the FBI setting a trap for a single man at a stadium concert venue is completely asinine and would never in a thousand years be attempted, nor would it be successful. The plot makes far too many assumptions about how a psychotic murderer actually thinks and what they would actually do in this situation, making the entire thing reek of a person who binge watched something like CSI or Criminal Minds, took bits and pieces of every episode they liked, then mashed them all together. There isn’t a whole lot to speak of by way of the plot, so the holes that appear throughout aren’t actually deviations in the story, but a series of happenstances where Hartnett takes advantage of the FBI’s stupidity. There is a distinct absence of a legitimate adversary to Hartnett’s character but Shyamalan tries (and fails) to force certain characters in this role that otherwise would have no logical business getting involved. There is no twist ending, as is usually expected from Shyamalan, but as the plot unravels so goes the logic as the motivations behind each character involved get increasingly insane and nonsensical. By its end, you’re not impressed with Hartnett’s prowess as a cerebral assassin as much as you’re baffled by the ineptitude of the FBI and the other “good guys.” The acting wasn’t terrible across the board, but you’re spending too much time slapping yourself in the forehead to spend any time actually sinking into the story.
Riot’s Rating: 3.5/10: Shyamalan’s daughter serves as the main protagonist as well as the musical talent that’s putting on the concert/overly complicated sting operation. The music is good and everything involving the concert is pretty well done. So as far as I can tell, Shyamalan spent millions of dollars promoting his daughter’s music. That’s a very committed father.
Twisters: There’s not a whole lot I remember about the 1996 thriller Twister outside of a few particular moments: a row of fence posts being shot like spears at the protagonists, turning “Dorothy” into a giant Pepsi product placement, the improbability of surviving an enormous tornado by lashing a belt to a pipe, and a flying cow that provided an unexpected moment of levity. I remember so little about the film, I even forgot it featured Bill Paxton (RIP). I was therefore fairly underwhelmed by the prospect of another tornado movie and the previews/teasers/advertising that I came across didn’t give me enough information to make me want to give it a go. After all, if I found the original so forgettable, what would make this one any different? Well, when the positive reviews starting rolling in, I had to check it out for myself and I’m happy to report, it was a good decision. Twisters succeeds in a number of unexpected ways. The first being that it created a brand new and refreshing story that only had brief references to the original and was unencumbered by previous plot lines. They shared similarities to be sure, but it felt like the new story would assuage any expectations from the original fan base and help tone any criticisms. Second, it featured a compelling and fresh-faced cast (excluding Glenn Powell who is arguably getting the Hollywood oversaturation treatment). Even though I’ve seen the main three protagonists in other projects, their energy and commitment to the roles brought a level of extra intensity to the story. Third, I liked that they kept to the fringes of a romantic story and ensured that it was just a subplot to the action. This allowed the true main character of the story, the tornadoes, to really shine with excellent sound mixing and well-executed special and practical effects. Finally, the movie was entertaining for entertainment’s sake, a true popcorn film. It stayed away from unnecessary or preachy messaging that would have done nothing to further the plot; it identified the goal, and executed it. The dialogue and dynamic between characters is well-written and humorous in multiple moments and benefits from actual chemistry between its leads in Powell and Daisy Edgar-Jones. The cinematography was pretty incredible and made fairly plain landscapes look absolutely stunning.
Riot’s Rating: 9.1/10: The run-time was a little long and as cool as it was to see so many tornadoes being featured in so many different ways, it pushed too far against the limits of logic for how many were encountered by a small number of people, regardless of their “jobs” as tornado chasers. Glen Powell didn’t really separate himself from his performance in Top Gun: Maverick, but that might be the best version of himself that I’ve seen so far.
Transformers One: This one has me a little more torn than I was expecting. Having seen all of the live action Transformer films thus far (yes, even the terrible Marky Mark ones) I’ve already spent some time evaluating my feelings about the franchise. Paramount Pictures takes audiences back to the fully animated roots, a decision I support and think would end up being a bigger boon to the toy’s legacy (after all, these films are only meant to sell toys). Transformers Oneputs out an origin story for its two greatest characters, Optimus Prime (Chris Hemsworth) and Megatron (Bryan Tyree Henry) that I think is fairly compelling and works in a lot of ways. I like the idea of Orion Pax (Optimus) and D-16 (Megatron) being friends before the conflict began. I like the idea of Optimus being portrayed as a bit of a wild card, flies by the seat of his pants, screw-up that evolves into the conscientious leader while Megatron’s voice of reason and adherence to edicts devolves into the sociopathic disruptor. I think the main problem I had was watching an hour and forty minute that felt like two and a half hours. Even though the plotlines follow a consistent and logical pathway, it often took too long to get there. The animation is really incredible, but it didn’t make up for extended sequences that could have been summed up more succinctly. The stretched out storylines didn’t match the energy of the extremely rapid paced dialogue. It’s pretty incredible that kids these days are able to soak in information at the speed of a crackhead and I’m not necessarily sure that’s a good thing. But because the pacing of the film is so all over the map, it makes the final confrontation feel too much like a 0-100 moment, where even though enough set up is given to why things are happening, you’re still confused as to how you got there. There’s a big argument online that is saying this is the best Transformers to date. I’m not sure I would go that far and part of that has to do with the fact that I really do enjoy the original live-action trilogy. I think the gravitas from seeing the Transformers be a real-world threat is something I’ve always wanted to see. That being said, Transformers One is a very strong film that will speak to the inner child of people my age and the new generation of kids alike.
Riot’s Ranking: 8.9/10: I get the joke of having Bumblebee be a non-stop dialogue machine, but we got waaaay too much Keegan Michael Key and as much as I still love him as a voice actor/comedian, they needed to tone it down. Also, it would be super great if they stopped cursing in kids films. I feel like a broken record on this point and maybe people just don’t care anymore. I just don’t get it.
This last one is a touchy subject and I admittedly get a little heated, read it or don’t, trigger warning over
Am I Racist?: I read that it took online movie review sites like Rotten Tomatoes weeks to get any reviews for this movie out. Had it not been for my own horrendous time management and my inability to make time to get into the theaters for this one, I would have covered it on day one. Alas, my consistency has been severely lacking lately and now this review has been reduced to a rapid fire. My real opinion on this one? It’s well done, it’s funny, and it shines an extremely bright light on the plague to society that is the “anti-racist” movement and the race grifters that are perpetuating what can only be defined as an intolerable sickness. They say that the devils greatest trick was convincing the world he doesn’t exist. I might posit now that his newest scheme is convincing a new generation of people they should be ashamed of the skin they were born with. I also find it hilarious that both sides of the aisle are clutching their pearls so tightly and suddenly finding the “deceptive practices” of this style of movie to be so intolerable. One side made Sacha Baron Cohen a star and couldn’t wait to “stan” for his practices when it “exposed” a politician they didn’t like (if you know you know). The other, sits atop the mountain of their smug “morality,” reminding the world exactly why the Pharisees and Sadducees were on the wrong side of history, willfully ignoring the win that was happening right in front of them. The race grifters featured in this movie needed to be exposed for the pathetic hive of scum and villainy they represent, reminding us all what racism actually looks like. “They’re selling the world a sickness and then telling us there is no cure,” this poignant line keeps coming up in my mind as I reflect on the notes I made and the truly disgusting things these corrupt, vapid, and vile pieces of trash were spouting. But alas, there are more than enough people out there that purchase the products, metaphorically (and almost literally) whipping themselves in delusional “repentance” for sins they never committed in the first place. The self-flagellation is almost as pathetic as the lie itself. They’re buying the sickness and are somehow okay with there being no cure. The devil’s greatest trick indeed.
Riot’s Reviews: 9/10: I actually thought it would be funnier, but there’s plenty of laughs to be had. The film is very well done and actively accomplishes what it sets out to do. Sunlight is said to be the best disinfectant, after all.
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